A Semi-Fearless Belle

2011-01-18T22:18:00.002-06:00

So I started this entry who knows how many times, and did a lot of erasing. This isn't even about him anymore. It goes deeper than that.

He's not the reason I think I could cry right now.

Maybe it's not really cynicism...

2011-01-01T23:33:00.006-06:00

I almost threw out this rant as a comment on somebody's facebook status, but then I considered that the song quoted in said status was probably a message sent directly from the quoter to his girl, and I didn't want to ruin their cutesy bliss.

Here, however, I shan't hold back. This shall be my final rant concerning a certain topic on which certain readers will know I love to rant.

If you are unfamiliar with the song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars, I will include a link to the lyrics at the bottom. Or maybe the Youtube video. No, not the video. I won't do that to you. But if you listen to pop/hit radio EVER, I'm sure you have heard it.

I am not against "cute" so very much. Cute is good. I am a girl and I like cute things. I enjoy a good chick flick every now and then...but with a limit. "The Notebook," for example? I could have lived a good, full life without that one or any other Nicholas Sparks book/movie ever written/made, with the exception of "A Walk to Remember," for which I need make no argument because you already know that I'm right, don't you?

But back to Bruno Mars.

This cute little song of his has been placed on a pedestle almost as a treatise on the way a boy should feel about, treat, and talk to his girl (notice that I did not say "man" or "woman"). This saddens and worries me. Remember those lyrics now, or read them, if you need to. All those things about the girl that take Mr. Mars' breath away or whatever? All physical, even the part about her laugh, in a way, because it is a sensory experience.

In other words, there is no substance within this song concerning the feelings this boy holds for that girl as a person with a brain/heart/soul/spirit. People classify this as a love song, but there is nothing about love in it. He never so much as hints at the word. It is a song about infatuation and, you know, B. Mars may even be aware of that. It's possible he would tell you straight-forward that the song is not about love. Honestly, however, that matters little. People turn it into a love song. A boy might sing it to a girl, and the girl will think that the boy is in love with her, whether or not he is and whether or not she is.

Of course, the boy can sing absolutely any song he wants and he doesn't have to mean it. But that's an entirely different topic.

Now, if a boy sings or plays this song to a girl and they both know where their relationship stands and she can simply enjoy the compliment (be the context either a little fling or a deep, loving relationship), then sing away.

But can I make a suggestion, gentlemen? Skip the cliche's (have I mentioned the song screams "cliche" to me as well?). Nine times out of ten, someone else's song cannot actually say it better than you can. If you are that one, okay then, you may need to work on that. Or find a girl who appreciates the way you say things badly, because such girls DO exist, and yours will probably turn out to be the girl of your dreams. Say it however you want. In song, poetry, art, film, letter, or any of those love languages (remember those?) - whatever you do well. Just say it to her face. Stumble your way through it, if you have to. Most girls, in fact, find this irresistibly adorable.

You can try telling me that you wouldn't change anything about my face, but honey, age happens. That face is GONNA change, and what then? Yes, a girl wants to hear that she's pretty. Very few girls or women will ever hear it enough in their lifetime. She needs it. Yes, she wants to make somebody melt with her smile, but she also wants to make somebody laugh with her wit or her antics or her clumsiness. She wants to be trusted, included, believed in. She wants her heart and her mind valued and sought after, so much more than her body.

In addition to all this, I personally want to be challeneged, in every way, but especially in my faith. I want to be pushed. I want to be prayed for. I want to be pointed right back to Christ. I want to feel as though I serve God better when I have him by my side than I do alone or with anyone else. I want to be loved "as Christ loved the Church." As a young Christian woman, I had to throw these things in, because they are the most important things of all.

Ridiculous standards, right? For this day and age? For a single twenty-something female surrounded by people dating or getting married?

Take a look at divorce rates and tell me where today's standards of love have brought us. I say it is my right to be picky. I also say it is my responsibility to become the kind of woman that the man I pick in my pickiness might pick right back.

Now to ponder whether I have been picky enough lately.

As promised, a link to the lyrics: "Just the Way You Are" - Bruno Mars

Good things to know

2010-12-02T12:44:00.004-06:00

It's things like having your vehicle ransacked that really show you who the healthy people in your life are.

You remember the discussion concerning "you can" and "you will" versus "you should" and "you need to"? I'm talking about the encouragers versus the nags. Not that the nags are totally devoid of valid arguments, but will not humanity ever learn that nagging is rarely effective and certainly never healthy?

Unfortunately, I cannot ever be rid of them, but perhaps they are present in my life so that I might not take for granted the encouragers. Truly, there are certain people in my life without whom I am pretty sure I would be a mere shell of a human being, and anything else said people might do to frustrate me is instantly forgiven when they ensure me of all the things I am capable of accomplishing.

There were those who spoke to me almost as though it served me right when Indy was pillaged. Yes, perhaps later I would have agreed that some valuable and much-needed lessons were learned, but to react not an hour afterward as though to suspect me of lying, and then proceed to speak to me like I deserve it?

But that's not what I'm here to write about.

There were others, you see. There were people who stood waiting for me in their doorway as I pulled up, holding a trash bag, ready to cover my broken window. There were people who urged me not to hold back as I ranted and raved, and then showed me how I was going to take this slam, turn it around, and use it to fully appreciate all the good things that have come my way recently. There were people who hugged me. People who got angrier than I did. People who asked, before anything else, if I was okay.

Those are some damn good people. Thank you, Jesus, for those people.

On the other hand...

2010-10-28T23:32:00.004-05:00

You know those times where you think of the things you should have said about an hour after you should have said them (or a day...or five minutes...either way it's too late)?

It's the story of my life, and I don't just mean the witty things. I'm talking about the things that needed to be said. The ways I really should have reacted. Yeah, we agreed that "the joke" needed to die, but it was a window into okay-really-where-is-this-going? and I managed to not even think of saying anything else outside of "yeah...that joke probably needs to die."

There's no telling how many conversations in my life have gone like this:

"And I mean, really, (insert thought here)."

"Well, did you tell him/her so?"

"No, I didn't think of it until (later, this morning, just now, etc.)."

I know I'm not alone, but man.

On an entirely unrelated note, what the hell is up with this twitter thing on the left about Oprah??? I didn't write that. Oprah annoys me. Who the f*** is hacking my twitter??

EDIT: Nobody hacked my twitter. The widget only displayed tweets from "FearlessBeauty," but I recently changed my username to "ericarhyn" and twitter didn't keep up. Apparently whoever decided to become FearlessBeauty after me is super inspired by Oprah.

Top Hats and Bib Overalls

2010-10-28T13:40:00.003-05:00

Okay, so jokes about getting married someday are not cool. Gentlemen - if there are any out there reading this - take note. You just don't kid around with a female friend when it comes to that topic. It will mess with her head. And if it doesn't mess with her head, it will eventually begin to mess with yours. I've seen that happen, too.

Now, I do not necessarily mean that she will actually expect you to marry her. This is not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that one of you will end up seriously bothered wondering just how the other feels. Even if you have already been given an idea, that won't cut it. You will need to know.

Onward!

2010-10-20T22:27:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I start eating healthier again. I'm excited. I'm ready for energy again, for deliciousness at my own hands rather than those of the fast food manufacturers (I say "manufacturers" because, really, who actually cooks that stuff?), and for the weird looks my aunt and uncle give me when I pull out the miso paste or the sun-dried tomatoes (or, shoot, vegetables in general).

I went grocery shopping this evening, you see. My heart is happy.

Also, I find myself newly determined to start running again. With that said, it's just after 11:00 now. If I'm going to get up early enough in the morning, I should probably go to bed.

Yeah, I'm going to bed before midnight. Pretty regularly. I don't even have to be anywhere until 11 the next morning.

My To-Do Food List

2010-10-18T11:13:00.005-05:00

I have decided that it is time to expand my cooking repertoire, particularly beyond the recipe realm. Recipes be damned (with the exception of baking). So I have decided to make a list of dishes to master. This list shall include many of those typical dishes that all the moms/grandmas/aunts/church ladies in our lives seem to know by instinct, but also stuff like Pad Thai, Okonomiyaki, Gyros, Tiramisu, and the perfect Taco. Okay, so I might have to keep some recipes around.

On my list so far, besides those that I just mentioned:

Tikka Masala (by suggestion of Amy Reyes)
Korma (also Miss Reyes' doing)
Lassi
Curry (yes, it's a broad term, and I don't care)
Christmas Pudding
Pumpkin Pie
Apple (any fruit, really) Pie
Lasagna
Chili from scratch (I must break free from the packaged seasoning mix!)
a better Burger
homemade Milkshake
homemade Salsa (traditional, corn, black bean, mango, etc.)
Chicken and Dumplings
homemade Salad Dressings
Spanakopita
Baklava
Gumbo from scratch
Jambalaya from scratch
perfect Mashed Potatoes
Chicken Parmesan
homemade Pesto
Tempura (worked on this before, still trying to get the batter to my liking)
various Stir Fry Sauces
various Pasta Sauces
Roast Chicken
Biscuits from scratch
Tortillas
Bread
Fudge
Potato Soup
Clam Chowder
Hot Cider
perfect Sweet Tea
perfect Latte
Chinese Dumplings (aka Potstickers)
Chicken Enchiladas
homemade Pizza
Calzones
various homemade Pickles

Yeah, several items on this list are less than practical. I know that, and I don't really care. =D

I'm sure I shall think of more later. Any suggestions?

Erica's biggun sigh of relief

2010-10-12T00:05:00.005-05:00

Okay, so the message I sent has been discussed openly, there is absolutely NO weirdness (weirdness, again, having been my biggest worry), and the other girl seems to be officially out of the picture, but it all comes down to distance. If it weren't for the distance.

This is not surprising. I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I heard "Erica, come to St. Louis," I could get a nicer car.

I will probably suggest eventually that the distance issue just sounds like a crutch (we've discussed "crutches" before), and I might point out the mega kick-ass friendship we've already developed almost exclusively long-distance that only keeps getting better, but for the time being I'm just really really happy that nothing is weird and that this friendship is still, in fact, mega kick-ass.

Lie of the Day: No news is good news.

2010-10-10T17:39:00.005-05:00

Within the next 24 hours (and I'm being generous here) I hope to know something to tell you all concerning the guy I mentioned a while back. I might be gushing (deal with it), I might be hurting (comfort me!), or I might still be completely uncertain about what will happen, but anything is better than the helpless wait for the phone call whilst trying not to be sick to my stomach (fml).

For the past...well...for a while now, I've been trying to scrounge up the balls to let this guy know that, at this point, all he has to do if he wants to be more than friends is ask. To make a long story short, I suddenly found the opportunity slipping away, drove two hours to see him so I could say it, failed, asked him to call me so I could say it, failed again, and then finally texted him since the words were clearly not ever going to come out of my mouth.

That was at about 1:15am on Friday night/Saturday morning. It is now roughly 6pm on Sunday. I still haven't heard anything.

Nerve-wracking, right? Right? Did I mention I haven't taken the initiative and put myself out there like this since my sophomore year of high school?

My worst fear, actually, is that this whole friendship will fall to shit, but I'd like to think that we're both better than that. I'd like to think that, should he not ultimately be into the idea (a.k.a. if he picks the other girl), we can still be understanding, we can respect each others' positions, and we can still be there for each other.

Then again, if he should do what I mentioned right there inside the parentheses, my monopoly is gone. As it has been recently, he talks to me on the phone more than he even sees anyone else, with maybe the exception of his uncle. If he ends up dating some other girl up there...wow, this just got really depressing. I'm going to go distract myself now.

Lata.

P.S. I don't regret a damn thing.

"I fell off the horse again today..."

2010-09-18T20:28:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it has taken me this long to notice that all those notes at the top of this page are backwards. I feel properly ashamed of myself. Also, the backwards notes may provoke enough irritation to require a layout change.

Anyway, I have to confess that I've been slacking a bit on my running. Have I mentioned here that I started running? Well, I started running. Every other day, in fact, but lately it's turned into every third day with the intention to get back to my every other day schedule. This is no bueno.

Also, I have recently succumbed to several moments of weakness in my eating habits (I despise the term "diet" and all its connotations). For example, my dinner this evening consisted of a Red Baron pepperoni pizza. Yes, my dears. The whole thing. Granted, this pizza would probably not even be considered medium at a restaurant (then again, the way standard pizza sizes are shrinking these days...), but still.

So what's a girl to do?

She gets back on that horse and rides on, duh.

"Fear not, I will help you."

2010-09-08T21:31:00.005-05:00

I've been reading Don Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" and, of course, I love it. And of course, it's difficult. It's exactly the kind of stuff I have avoided dealing with. But that's not what I've set myself in front of this computer to write about (or is it?).

I don't have a copy of the book here with me, and as such I am unable to quote Don's words exactly. Sorry, Don. But it was basically this. Apparently, and it really doesn't surprise me at all, the most-used command in the entire Bible is "Do not fear." According to Miller, it shows up more than two hundred times.

Does anybody else think about this in terms of their own life and realize how perfect that is? Wow...God knew, didn't he? He knew just how badly I would need all that.

Fear. If the Word of God is any indication, it may be the single greatest contributor to Satan's cause. I know for a fact it has had its talons into me for a while. Deeply. It got to the point where I couldn't bring myself to give this blog the title I've used for so many other sites: Bellezza Impavida, fearless beauty. I couldn't do it. It felt like such a dirty, dirty lie.

Maybe the whole post-Eden, God/Humanity interaction set-up has left us particularly prone to it. We get separated from God, He is no longer an entity that we can physically see or (with very few exceptions) audibly hear, and even the very best of us can only know the tiniest portion of Him while we're on this earth, but He's still telling us what to do, and it so often goes against what we had planned, or what makes sense to us. Take down an entire kingdom with three hundred men, God? Really?

I'll tell you this, for sure. God made Gideon into one gutsy fella.*

God knew. He knew how important courage would be to the success of His children in their advancement of His kingdom. And He knew how vehemently the enemy would work to take that courage away.

I've recently experienced firsthand the power possessed by "you can" and "you will" that is so much greater than "you should" and "you need to." I guess, to simplify, I'm learning to appreciate the beauty of encouragement over judgment. I've had the latter in my life, or perceived that I have, for such a long time that having the former take the more predominant role is alarming and freeing and wonderful. It's like I'm starting to wake up from this forever-long, zombie-like stupor and I love it. There is still such a very long way to go, but I love it.

I think that, between one side of this coin or the other, the Bible is predominantly a "you can" sort of book. True, it comes with the emphasis that this empowerment is from God and not really through our own strength, but it ultimately tells us that, because of Him, we can do stuff. Big stuff. I might even go out on a limb here and use the term "huge." Is this not (wonderfully) crazy? That we have not been given "the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7)." There is absolutely, positively, no need to be afraid.

Perhaps, one day, I actually will learn to live this way. I have some serious fears to tackle first, but I ever so dearly wish this to happen. Don't you?

*See Judges 6-7

Hrm...

2010-09-05T14:43:00.001-05:00

I don't write nearly often enough these days. I really should fix that.

My Good Week

2010-08-22T20:29:00.004-05:00

A little list of things that made me smile this week:

- The return of my bestest best friend to SW Missouri. YES.

- Chocolate Peanut Butter Fondue at the Mud Lounge. That stuff's just...whoa. I mean...we're talking third date stuff right there. Or Girls' Night Out stuff. Okay, that sounded weird. I'm just saying, that stuff is really really good.

- Visiting Bolivar and reminding oneself just how soon one will be living there again. Say what you will, call me crazy, but I love that town. It is where the people dearest to me are - outside of my family - with only one, maybe two exceptions, and somehow it just seems to be better for my spiritual well-being. It's almost as though I like myself better when I'm in BoMo.

- Standing/walking in the rain.

- LIGHTNING. Lightning is kind of my "God thing." I don't know if that makes any sense, but there's nothing reminds me of the Father's power and artistry and love for me quite like an evening lightning display.

- Birthday Night! No, not mine. Sorry. See, every third Wednesday of the month at choir rehearsal, two or three people will bring yummy goodies in honor of that month's birthdays for everyone to enjoy after singing our hearts out. My dear friend, Marie, and I took charge this month. Praise for her pizza bread (as usual), my hummus, and our RAINBOW CAKE (see previous entry) abounded.

- Talking three different times in one day with a guy you really really like. Yeah...

- Sassy. She's the new Pomeranian puppy my aunt and uncle brought home a week ago. Granted, I prefer big dog breeds over the small ones, but all dogs are small when they're puppies, and what human being with a heart doesn't appreciate puppies on principle? Plus, she's just the funnest little ball of fluff.

- Taking care of SEVEN 4-6-yr-olds by oneself and NOT experiencing the urge to scream or curl up into the fetal position. Those kids were amazing today. Good times were had.

Stuff to Impress Your Friends (no, seriously)

2010-08-20T00:16:00.004-05:00

I would like to enlighten you all concerning one of the greater discoveries of my life to date: Rainbow Cake.

This baby is a work of ART, and there really are no skills necessary. Just knowing how to follow directions on a cake mix box and combining that knowledge with a little patience can yield a true thing of beauty. And I'm going to explain so that you can scamper off and create your own confectionery masterpiece.

You start with any cake batter, so long as it's white or cream-colored. We've used Betty Crocker's French Vanilla both times making this and we like the results. Anyway, you prepare your cake batter however it tells you to on the back of the box (or in the recipe if you prefer to make your cakes from scratch), and then you divide your batter into portions. Each portion will become a different color. Clearly, you can have as many portions as you'd like, but we like six.

Here is where the patience comes in, but not for the last time. Each portion is going to be dyed a different color. And if you've never used food coloring before, trust me when I advise you to START SMALL. Start out with, say, four or five drops of color in each bowl, mix the color in, and then add a couple more drops here and there as you see fit. I am fond of bold colors, and as such have used more food coloring than is probably healthy (doesn't the red kind cause cancer or something?). In case you haven't figured out yet, this cake is so much more fun to make with other people.

So you get your oven and baking pan ready according to whatever instructions you are following (we use a 9x13 dish) and pour each color in one at a time, in whatever order you fancy. It will look something like this when you've poured everything:

You can't actually tell, but there IS a difference between the orange and the pink there on top. Anywoot, you bake, you cool, you frost (this is where the patience comes back - frost SLOWLY or you're going to destroy the surface of your cake), and you get something that looks scarily similar to this:

You will feel like the coolest kid in the whole class with this cake. No lie.

"Bret! It's 1986 David Bowie from the movie 'Labyrinth!'"

2010-08-13T23:48:00.003-05:00

There's this thing that's happening in my world right now which has never happened before, and it's a little bit frightening.

I call it "reciprocation." And it is awesome...but frightening.

Now, I'm trying not to gush here. I feel like I'd have to make fun of myself immediately thereafter if I did (plus I find it can make for obnoxious reading). It's just not the sort of thing I've ever had to deal with, this reciprocation, and I don't know how to handle it. I mean, if this kid is half the romantic I suspect he might be, he'll have to be awfully patient with me, because I can already tell I'm not going to be very good at this game, and that's the gospel truth. I have missed my cue on so many occasions because I've either been too stupid at the time to catch the hint or I honestly had no clue how to respond and found myself semi-paralyzed by the situation. As such, I've come to realize that he has probably been more perplexed at times over the nature of my interest than I ever was over the nature of his. And I've had my share of perplexion.

But dear, sweet Auntie Josephine, I like this boy. Is that gushing? Would it be gushing to say that all of the 190 or so miles that exist between Springfield and St. Louis piss me off? That I don't feel deserving of all this goodness?

Maybe just a little. But what's a girl if she can't gush every now and then?

Things I've Learned - Food & Cooking

2010-08-09T22:48:00.003-05:00

An interesting development has...um...developed over the past couple years: I really like to cook.

I wouldn't call it a passion. Heavens, no. Sometimes I'm just too lazy. But a couple of days a week at least finds me doing more than just throwing together a sandwich or tapping into the frozen foods section of my aunt and uncle's garage. And I'm having fun with it.

Now, I am certainly not a natural. There has been lots of trial and error and sometimes things just bomb. I wish I could mean that literally, but alas, there have been no explosions to date. Still, I've played around. I've discovered stuff that doesn't work and I've discovered stuff that blows my mind. It's been super fun. And so, I thought I would present you with a few things I have learned about food and cooking. You may very well know all this stuff already. Consider it more of a recitation than an imparting of advice. Let's all celebrate - Erica's not a food idiot anymore.

Things I've Learned:

- Do not dare use fruit that may not be ripe, and I mean that. Mangoes especially, speaking from very recent experience. (Gooseberries are the only exception I can think of, as they are only used before they turn ripe, but there may be more.)

- Plain rice is kinda tasty. Yeah ok, look at me like I'm insane. Whatever man, I'm serious. And maybe it's the varieties I've been using. But befriending the Chinese community has taught me to appreciate rice for what it is. I ordered a general chicken rice bowl the other day and my jaw almost dropped in horror watching the bucket of sauce the girl unloaded on it.

- If you don't like something, look for a different way to cook it. Even the texture of a food can change depending on preparation. There are so many foods (not just vegetables) that I hated growing up because my parents only cooked them the same way. I won't lie - I'm still waiting to appreciate bell peppers in any capacity. But you shoulda been there the day I discovered grilled asparagus wrapped in bacon.

- Grilling anything that holds its shape is probably a good idea. Just don't ask me about methods. I actually have very little experience in this area.

- You CAN have too much sauce. You CAN have too much gravy. HOWEVER, I have yet to experience "too much cheese."

- When cooking pasta, "not enough" is always better than "too much." Always. Neither, of course, can beat "just right."

- Dull knives are super obnoxious. Seriously. They take the joy out of life, the universe, and everything.

- Stir-frying is one of the quickest and killerest ways to cook. Especially if you have a good sauce. For example, you can take basic teriyaki sauce (I make my own; it's so effing simple) and add stuff like minced garlic or minced ginger or crushed red pepper or ALL of those things. Or something completely different. Teriyaki is BOSS when it comes to experimenting.

- Experimenting is always good. It's how you learn.

- Food really does seem to taste better if it looks pretty. It's not a sham. Crappy-looking food can be amazing, don't get me wrong, but I get more excited about eating something if I've managed to make it look good. The more colors, the better.

- When trying something new (which should be done often), start small until you're familiar with its effects. Perfect example - wasabi. Oh holy Moses. That s***'s dangerous.

- Do NOT try to create any dish that uses raw fish if you live in a landlocked area, UNLESS you are willing to pony up some serious cash. Carpaccio, tartare, sashimi, tataki, etc., only work if you're using super-fresh fish, and that's hard to come by in the American Midwest (freshwater fish are almost never used for these dishes for safety reasons). Sushi made with thawed frozen salmon fillets from Walmart is pretty disgusting. Just trust me on this one. Find a sushi recipe that does not require raw fish, or else simply leave it to the people at the restaurants.

My Awesome, Super, Grand Comeback. I Think?

2010-07-03T01:24:00.002-05:00

I know, right? I've been silent since February. And I don't even have a whole lot to say right now.

Okay, that's a lie. There will be things to say. There is enough to say, in fact, that I shall require time to sort it out and decide what to say first, and as such I shall say little for the time being. I only just now, after all, chose to return and recommence my activity here.

And so, in truth, there's really no telling just how well I'm going to keep it up this time.

Official Super-Rad Video of the Week and Other Stuff

2010-02-11T00:22:00.003-06:00

What that other stuff may be I have not yet decided.

Anyway, I'm kinda lame, not having posted an Official Super-Rad video last week, PLUS, I can't actually embed this video. You'll have to click the following link (and probably be logged on to facebook):

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=300976661690

It may only be super-rad late at night, plus the goober on the left is my cousin, but STILL. It made me giggle hardcore, plus I haven't seen anything else official-super-rad-video-of-the-week-worthy, so there ya go. Enjoy the antics of Michelle and the young lady who is quite possibly her roommate.

Other random awesome things:

- In cleaning out a set of drawers that have not been sifted through for a minimum of four years, I found $20 I didn't know I had.

- Today was day 23 without soda. That, accompanied by eating better (I think), makes for slightly looser clothes. Or it may just be wishful thinking.

- I STILL have not taken down my Christmas Tree. It's been there so long I kinda forget that it is not part of my year-round decor. Same goes for the popcorn/cranberry garland draped along my window frame.

- I almost stole toilet paper the other night, and I probably would have gotten away with it, too. I carry the bag in my hand for all the world to see, TOTALLY spacing, and march right to the exit. I come to a sudden halt directly in the middle of the open automatic door, eyes popping, let out a quiet exclamation I should probably not repeat here, turn around and go to the register to pay. Nobody even twitched.

- Tonight was just a great rehearsal in choir. Not sure why, but I was in rather excellent form. Anyway, I had particular fun, which of course meant that rehearsal ended too soon for my liking. Ah well.

- Tomorrow I'm working a full eight hours at the church instead of the usual five. Extra hours FTW.

That is all. Good night!

Close, But No Cigar

2010-02-03T12:19:00.002-06:00

I was really close to thinking I'd found my Official Super-Rad Video of the Week, and then it suddenly turned into the Officially Inappropriate Super-Rad Video of the Week. Some swearing is no huge deal to me, but um...yeah...no go, kids. I'm still on the hunt.

This evening, when I have the time, I'll probably actually write something; assuming, of course, that my internet will be up and sufficiently running. Such was not the case earlier.

Official Super-Rad Video of the Week

2010-01-28T13:52:00.005-06:00

This is actually just one act of an entire musical. I need to do some more research on the group that decided to make this and how, but the whole thing is pure magic. Watch it, and you may get hooked on the whole blasted thing. =D

Bahahahaha!

2010-01-26T13:22:00.002-06:00

Upon reading my last post, one can't help but notice how obvious it is that I've been single all my life. XD

But I will leave it just as it is. No shame.

Since you've been gone...

2010-01-26T03:12:00.003-06:00

I have officially lived an entire week without the consumption of Dr. Pepper (or any other soda for that matter, with the exception of a small cup of punch that was half Sprite). Yes, it had to happen. None of this "let's take a break" or "give each other some space" bull-hockey. I ended it for good and, trust me, it's for the best. I shan't deny that it hurts, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would, honestly, which I find both sad and comforting. Made me realize I just didn't love him like I thought I did. Even so, the danger is still there. It still will probably take the passing of a few months before we can casually meet again without me getting pulled right back in by his charms.

This has been among the hardest of the steps I've taken recently to better care for myself, and I'm feeling rather empowered by it. But now, to bed, for good sleep is also necessary, and I've already brought tonight's amount down to 6.5 hours at best.

Official Super-Rad Video of the Week

2010-01-22T14:29:00.004-06:00

This is the first of what I hope shall become weekly installments. The Muppets have always held a special place in my heart. Enjoy.

Came to me out of nowhere...

2010-01-18T19:09:00.004-06:00

"Anything is beautiful when viewed from the appropriate distance."

Thoughts?

Fringe Benefits

2010-01-16T01:38:00.003-06:00

I have a job that lets me work around small children every once in a while, and I must say, it makes my heart happy.

At first, it didn't. Not that I didn't like kids, because I really do - it's just that "nervous" would have been a far more appropriate term. Small children hadn't been in my normal repertiore since the age of thirteen (back when my mother babysat full-time) and, as such, I had almost forgotten what to do with them. So the first time I failed to find enough childcare workers for a particular event and had to volunteer myself, I couldn't help feeling slightly frightened. At any rate, I know I was awkward around them, and I'm sure anybody - mothers especially - could clearly tell.

But practice makes...well, lots of improvement, anyway. At least the kiddies don't smell fear on me anymore. I'm almost good at this game, and I do adore them so. It feels wonderful, for example, when Gavin sees me on a Sunday morning and has to either wave really big or run over and hug me 'round the middle. Bless his ADHD little heart.

I'm still not one of those young women groaning inside going "I waaant oooooone." Not yet, at least. I mean, I do want children, fo sho, but the longing just doesn't plague me that deeply. Why yearn for one child of my own when I can just have Gavin, Cameron, Landen and Andrew two or three times a month?

You remind me of the babe...

2010-01-11T11:54:00.005-06:00

So I just now realized that I misspelled nostril during the previous entry. My only comfort is that I misspelled it consistently. I'm not entirely sure why that's a comfort, but it is.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's listened to sermons/bible studies lately concerning the little episode when Jesus was 12 and his parents forgot him in Jerusalem and spent three days trying to find him. When they did find Jesus, as you may remember, he was hanging out in the temple absolutely blowing the religious scholars away with his knowledge and understanding of the scriptures.

And I wondered: do you think any of those scholars recognized him 18-21 years later? Or perhaps were even reminded of the boy who had astounded them with his insights?

(P.S. It is my dearest wish that someone catch the title reference.)

Early Morning Rambles

2010-01-09T07:07:00.002-06:00

I am never awake at 7:00 a.m. Never.

But then I've been kinda sick and spent a lot more of yesterday in bed than I'm used to.

Anyway, I've been gone for almost a month, and I apologize. Blogspot is just a weird thing to me compared to my previous blogging community. Maybe I'm just kind of an idiot and haven't figured things out yet, but it seems harder to find people here than it was on xanga. Anyway, after a month of moderately consistent bloggage (and commentage on a few friends' blogs) I was still without any following and slightly discouraged. My signing on a moment ago was also the first signing-on in a month and just sort of a random thing. I found I should have checked up on blogspot sooner, as I discovered it had earned me a free cd and a follower (many thanks to Sarah and Becky XD)!

Now, for this post to earn its title, I must vent my frustrations on my nose. Would that my nasal passages had pants in which I could give them a swift kick. You know how when you're congested and you can only breathe properly through one nostrel at a time and that nostrel REALLY gets to hurtin'? Exactly. TMI? Maybe, but there are scarier things I could tell you.

No pants to kick, so I think I'ma go snort salt water instead.

To Make Us All Think

2009-12-16T14:41:00.001-06:00

Any Thoughts?

The Story I Promised You

2009-12-03T12:32:00.002-06:00

Okay, so my username for lots and lots of different online accounts I've had over the past few years has been "Bellezza Impavida," sometimes without a space, sometimes with an underscore instead of a space, whatevs. This is the basic outline. What in the world does that mean, you ask? Actually, you probably don't because if you ever do read this then you've probably known me long enough that you don't need to ask. But I'll still explain for those who don't know.

The language is Italian. The meaning is "Fearless Beauty." It came to me at a time when I needed to make up a username and I wanted something in Italian that had something to do with having the courage to be oneself in all one's beauty and being exactly what God made one to be (I had just finished reading Captivating). After entering a few different phrases meaning roughly the same thing into a translator, I came out with Bellezza Impavida - fearless beauty.

I still love this phrase and would like to have it tattooed on me someday, though maybe in Greek. I'm not sure yet. But a lot has changed since creating this name and, truth be told, I feel a lot farther from fearless nowadays than I was back then, to the point where calling myself "fearless beauty" - even as my own personal reminder - just seems really fake. So I decided to be a bit more honest. I switched to French for my blogspot title because a) I think it sounds better than using "Bella" and b) if I'm going to be accidentally associated with any fictional character, I'd much rather it be my favorite Disney princess of all time than some devoid-of-personality child who's willing to cheat death just so she can hallucinate her ex's voice.

I almost ranted there for a second. Tee hee.

So there you have it - a better understanding of my title choice plus a smidge of Twilight hatin' to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

The Heebie-de-be-Jeebies

2009-11-25T13:50:00.002-06:00

Spoken in a way to imitate King Julian of the Lemurs.

There's this guy in the workroom close by right now who creeps me out. He's fixing our folding machine as I type - not that that really has any bearing on anything, but I thought I'd throw it out there free of charge.

Anyway, middle-aged tech-mechanic guy just seems a little creepy to me. Betty agreed that he was different but kinda laughed at me a little when I used the word "creepy." Not so much a making-fun-of-me laugh, but just one of those oh-Erica-you're-funny laughs (I get those from her a lot). Admittedly, I couldn't figure out why he creeped me out, and it was frustrating to me, but then I remembered something:

He winked at me.

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal out of context, but I mean, when he first walked in, before he spoke or anything, he just winked at me.

Do winking strangers bother anyone else? Perhaps it's because a wink - at least in my own subconscious (and perhaps those of other people) - is supposed to carry a significance; a specific message, if you will. A stranger cannot wink to share an inside joke or prearranged signal because he is a stranger and shares no inside joke or prearranged anything with me. So just what exactly is it he's trying to say? HMMMMMMMM?

I think all this goes through my subconscious in about .3 seconds when a stranger winks at me.

Inner Workings

2009-11-21T03:07:00.002-06:00

So it turns out I lied. I don't feel like getting into the depth of explaining my blog title, and yet I do feel like blogging, thus the subject matter will be something other than what I previously led you the reader to believe.

I took apart an old and broken watch of mine hoping there would be gears in there big enough for use in the craftsy area. Alas, today's watches just don't have what I need. I think there's a tiny circle of metal somewhere on my (fake) hardwood floor still because I simply cannot find it. Sadly this will mean hunting down watches hopefully old enough (and cheap enough) to get real gears out of them. I'm hoping to circumvent ebay if at all possible. I know it's got a whole crackton of exactly what I need, but still. It's complicated. Plus I just kinda like flea markets.

I will say though...I'm visiting my hardcore packrat of a darling grandmother for Thanksgiving, so there's no telling what sort of treasures I might find now that I care. If I have time to look, that is. Here's hopin'.

What's everyone else doing for Thanksgiving?

The All-Important Introductory Post

2009-11-19T14:25:00.000-06:00

Yeah...I did it. I held back for soooooo long, but I finally joined blogspot.

However.

Now I feel a slightly stronger obligation to write deeper, more intellectual, or all-around better stuff. At any rate, something less like a diary (here's to the decline of emotasticality) and more like a blog. Maybe this is just my weirdness kicking in, but still. Can I really keep up such a publication (a term I use loosely)? We shall see.

With all that said, I haven't a single blogsome inspiration.

Twilight? No, everbody and their cradle-robbing mom is going on about them, mostly in one of the polar-opposite "squee" or "rant" fashions. Let's lay off.

Obama? Would that I were politically savvy enough to concoct anything worthy of blogspot. I'm just not ready for that can of worms. I'd be better prepared for the Twilight worm-can, sadly...very sadly. Let's just cross off Sarah Palin and her grandbaby-daddy, Oprah Winfrey, economic peril and the entire Middle East while we're at it (disclaimer: I speak only of America's current political relations/struggles with the Middle East and have nothing against the region. Were I referring to culture, I would be glad to discuss the Middle East.).

An odd thing I've noticed about myself is that, while there are all these gripping drama series on TV these days (every time I call my family, there's a 95% chance someone is watching NCIS), and while I do myself enjoy them, I will almost always ditch these crime-fighting/life-saving epics in favor of the meandering antics of Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmern. Yes, I loves me some quirky travel documentary shows. Mainly these two, though. Nobody else on Travel Channel is really worth it, but these guys are my favorites and I fangirl them.

But then, I was always more taken with the idea of foreign cultures than the majority of my peers (a tragic obsession for a rural midwest girl to harbor, by the way). In third grade when the teacher let the class create its own collective spelling list, I was the kid who opened her social studies book to the world map on the back inside cover and tried to get Mozambique approved as a spelling word (they shot me down on that one, but I think Madagascar went through okay).

No, I was not a popular kid growing up.

Next time on A Semi-Fearless Belle, the story behind the site name and who knows what else.